Moshe Kempinski
Since the early seventies Israel seems to have been losing in the public relations war again and again. After the Six Day War in 1967, Israelis awash with a sense of pride which quickly developed into arrogance seemed to have lost the ability to explain their position and situation. What followed after the Yom Kippur war was that the frustration of being misunderstood in the world deepened into a fierce feeling of self doubt and insecurity. It was not long before many Israelis and many more Jews in the exile began to adopt the views and aspirations of some of the worst of our enemies.
There are two possibilities. The first is that the Jewish people and the struggling Israeli nation were wrong about the options presented to them at the outset of the six day war. Perhaps peace is simply attainable if only the Israelis were more conciliatory.
The second option is that we have been so sure of our cause that we assumed everyone simply understood and thereby left the battlefield of public opinion to the other side.
The first possibility has proven to be false again and again, most prominently after the irresponsible expulsion and disengagement from the Gaza strip. That leaves the second possibility which needs to be addressed as quickly as possible. With the strong surge of blog and internet media, simple civilians are suddenly in a position to have an impact on the stage of world opinion in ways that were unheard of earlier. We just need to seriously consider what approach is effective and which one simply becomes a salve for our own conscience or an outlet for our deep concerns and angers.
I have been involved with various forms and modes of dialogue and opinion exchanges for over thirty years. The experience of life, marriage, and children has given me, as it has every other individual in this world insight and wisdom regarding meaningful dialogue. My experience as a family therapist, kiruv (Jewish outreach) worker, political activist and in involvement in all sorts of dialogue between groups of differing ideologies or faiths has presented me with a few other insights as well. It is with that in mind I would offer the following rules of interchange and dialogue.
There are many people in this world that are truly interested in broadening their world view and knowledge base, whether consciously or not. They only know what they have been taught. As a result every lover of the land of Israel and of the spiritual message it conveys, can become an agent of change, growth and destiny. It is in our hands to be in the words of Rebbe Menachem Mendel of Vitebsk , "the language of G-d".
Rule number one in dialogue is that dialogue is not about agreement but rather about understanding. Though that may be self obvious but it needs to be restated and that simple statement frees the listener from the onus of a response. He is free to listen.
Rule number two is to never let anger and frustration overwhelm your argument.
Rule number three is to begin with your points with ease and patience. You also must always remember that your goal is not to convince the other side but rather help them understand you a little more. Since you believe in the truth of your argument, know that if they are ready to listen they may also be ready to eventually change or grow.
Rule number four is to never assume that your listener knows what you know and feels the truth that you feel. Ignorance is rampant so a lot of what your listener believes is based on the little that he knows. Never point to that ignorance but you must be aware of its existence. Your role is not to make your listener aware of how much he is in the dark but rather simply to add a little more light.
Rule number five is that it is an accepted axiom that every story has another side. If you present your points as a simple attempt to shed light on the possible other side of the story, people are ready to listen. I was once speaking to a Quaker group that was in Israel supporting Palestinian refugees. I offered them the choice to either believe that I and other Israelis they met are simply hating racist thugs , or that perhaps we are seeing and living a different reality .I simply suggested that I wanted to let them have a peek into my reality and that they would do with it what they desired. That request opened a discussion that was much more sincere and relevant than most such discussions.
Rule number six is to accept that the job before us is massive and is therefore impossible and overwhelming. Therefore the focus should be on the little picture and not on the larger one. The little picture is the big picture. Your neighbor, your fellow employee and your local place of worship is your target audience. A corollary of this point is to not waste time on “the haters”. Their hatred comes from a place much deeper than anything you could reach.
Rule number eight is being smart in your approach and use the language, metaphors and spokespeople that would be meaningful to your listener. Remind your listener that the Palestinians have become the greatest victims of their terrorism and the most unwitting pawns in the power games of corrupt leaders. It is futile to paint the other side as the embodiment of evil, and the pawns of Satan and expect anyone to listen to the rest of your points. The other side is more realistically portrayed as the victims of the evil desires of men. Leave any insights you may have about spiritual realities out of the arena of perceived realities. It is especially true in the Middle East that the perception of reality is more impactful than reality itself.
Finally be aware that destiny is being determined in our days and you have the opportunity to be part of it blossoming .In the words of Pirkei Avot (2:16), Lo Alecha Hamelacha Li’gmor… - "It is not incumbent on you to complete the task. Yet neither are you free to abstain from it. "
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